When all else fails . . . dead man's float. Warning: you may get so good at it that you will forget how to swim.
When my skin had wrinkled beyond human recognition and there were still no planes or boats in sight, I realized I was not going to be rescued . . . at least not by any outside force. So I began to flail my arms around in a feeble attempt to swim and save myself. That was when I began seeing the light at the surface fade into a slow black as I faded into a deep blue.
Rock bottom . . . I felt the sharp edges pierce my skin so I knew I must still be alive. But, what to do next?
All these years I thought the dead man's float was the best and the worst I could do. Now I see that my ingenuity and quick thinking kept me a prisoner. Had I surrendered to those feelings of the fear of the unknown . . . the fact that I did not have all the answers . . . I may have learned a thing or two . . . like how to temporarily live like a fish while I heal myself and grow new legs.
Because, that's the thing with us humans, we are like the starfish; we have an amazing, mostly untapped, ability to regenerate. In fact, some starfish can regenerate new from only one ray (of hope) left.
So, I am at the bottom. I am without reference. I am left with one ray. I will soon find out if I am one of those starfish.
Potions, Lotions and Magic Charms: cold cucumber slices placed over my eyes to decrease the puffiness; a glass of wine to decrease the pain.
This is what I now know: I have been trying to embrace what I have come to find out is the holographic image of myself . . . out there, not the real me . . . in here.
He said/she said: A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. ~Oscar Wilde
7 comments:
What a powerful post, Lindy. I have a friend who speaks of a similar truth; that she had to learn to float in order to stay sane, to keep her head just above water and be able to breathe.
And I love the quote by the Wylde man. He's always a very droll quotation, no matter what you quote from him, if you ask me.
All true. Cucumber for the eyes sounds good right about now. And the Wilde quip is perfect.
Thank you, Eric.
Yes, all these years I have thought that I was so smart - that I could even beat my self to the punch - but I am feeling the loss now, because I have to learn everything over again...and at my age.
Oh well, I don't want to leave this life with only an honorary PhD.
Being Polish, I grew up cooking, and one of the dishes was potato pancakes. My mom and my aunts always used to say that the secret ingredient for making them so delicious was the little bit of blood from the knuckles hitting the grater. Such is life.
So, is it just the women born under the Sag sign (my sister and my friends are having a time of it this year too) or is this affecting the Sag men too? Weird, I thought this was going to be MY year. My case of the "I thoughts" is now being examined and treated.
Erik, that last comment was for you, but I forgot to address it.
I love that 2nd picture of the starfish, so hopeful. Today I'm aware of how many times I've regrown myself, and why I had to. We are miracles.
Hey Lindy,
I loved this post! The floating metaphor is great. My mother alwasys told us that "you can float forever" as a way of comforting us about drowning should we ever find ourselves in the ocean. She meant it literally, but I think it works for everything. Love the cucumbers -- I would never eat one, but the eye trick works! And the quote is so great.
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